


The meaning of Fatherhood

by Rogercat



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Elves, F/M, Family Bonding, Father-Son Relationship, Female Maedhros, Fourth Age, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, Half-Siblings, Mother-Son Relationship, Paternal Instinct, Rebirth, Royalty, Valinor, nomadic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 08:06:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogercat/pseuds/Rogercat
Summary: Parents are not something to be taken for granted, allways





	The meaning of Fatherhood

**Author's Note:**

> This sort of counts as a side-story to the main plot in my Warg Rider AU

Some might claim that siring so many children is impossible for a single Elf, even with all but the two oldest not sharing the same mother. Those who claims so, looks at the Noldorin prince Fëanor and how seven children wore out his wife Nerdanel. Others who have a better guess in how it is possible, looks at the High King Finwë of the Noldor and that he have a marriage history of two wives to explain the existence of five children.        

 

But Taurion have seen things such people can not even phantom. Like the reason why he requested to be reborn in a infertile body. Memories that could be triggered if there ever was to happen again, a new child…

 

“ _ I was drained so much in spirit that it is almost a honest wonder that I managed to sire the youngest.... _ ”  __

 

No, it was for the best that he had made that request. His nine daughters and eight sons, would not have to deal with another sibling born in a such forced manner. They may only share him as a parent, outside his two oldest daughters born from his beloved Atara, but he were determined to give them a chance to have a true family life. 

 

“That reminds me...we had a planned visit to Formenos this summer, yes.”

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

Few could say that she was the same Princess as in her youth, before the Darkening of Valinor, those days when she had been reborn. Maedhros was beautiful once again, yes, but there was a new hardness in her which had not been there before. She was still the same warrior who had lived in the desire to see Morgoth defeated, to repay the horrible pain she once had lived though. And it is that inner strength which Taurion feels that she is enrighted to, and sadness over what it had cost her to have that kind of life. 

 

“I heard from your second brother yesterday on the road that our shared little one is reborn alongside your nephew,” Taurion smiled in a friendly greeting at seeing her. He may not love Maedhros enough to dare to take her as a second wife, a position that is unworthy of a princess, but they are good friends nonetheless.      

 

Of course it is Celegorm who must have told him, given that her silver-haired brother is often out hunting with Huan like in the old days, only that he keeps around Formenos so to lessen any worry of him vanishing.  

 

“I am glad that you came to visit, though Rûsa is still a bit distrustful due to his old life...he should be in the living room, we have pulled down the curtains in almost all the rooms because his eyes are sensitive to the light…” 

 

“Rûsa?” 

 

A small figure showed up from the darkest corner of the living room at the sound of Maedhros asking. Taurion held back a deep sigh, he was actually not that surprised to see just how tiny Rûsa seemed to be in size difference to a normal one-year-old Elfling, it was not unheard of that happened to former slaves as a sign of how deeply the trauma of enslavement could affect a soul even after being in the Halls of Mandos and purified as best as its Master could do to each separate soul in his care. 

 

When the toddler rushed forwards, not for a hug or even a sign of recognize his father, Taurion calmly caught each little fist in his own hands, keeping some distance between them while kneeling on one knee. 

 

“I do not think this is the right place for some wrestling, son. I know that you are a fine warrior, but not now,” Taurion smiled, as if it was something which happened every day. Then again, he had raised almost all of his children together with Atara and knew how to deal with temper tantrums from a small child. Maedhros was not sure if it was safe to bring something to drink and eat, even if only for a new minutes. On the other hand, there was something funny in seeing a such small one-year-old toddler glare up at the Avarin chieftain, even how similar they looked with their dark red hair and black eyes, though Taurion had one green left eye which stood out in the contrast to how black eyes otherwise was the most common eye colour in the Wood clan unless someone had a lineage from the other Elf groups.

 

“Maedhros, you said something about a light meal, right? I think we can make a family time together while I keep a eye on this little wolf cub.” 

  
  


When Maedhros returned from the kitchen with some light drinks and snacks, there was a worrying shout and a crash from the living room. Thankfully, when she looked inside the room, Taurion laid flat on his back with their tiny son on his chest, and the crash was revealed to have been caused by several books falling out of the shelf.

 

“He was brave enough to try and climb up in a attempt to escape from me, though he lost his balance when the books started to fall out of place. His older brothers and sisters have all tried something similar in that age as well,” Taurion explained in a way that told her of that he was used to such situations, all without allowing Rûsa worm his way out from the hold of the arms around him. It proved itself even more when he started to protest in that uneven mix of languages spoken in Angband among the slaves. Taurion, at least, seemed to guess what was said. 

 

“Ah hah, son. No such words around your mother. It is rude to speak that way around females, not all of them can fight in the fine manner as your mother,” Taurion scolded in a light manner as he retook a sitting pose with Rûsa in his lap, using a status-neutral word since his youngest son likely was not familiar with the social rank of Valinor at all. No doubt that he must have heard about his mother as a female warrior, but her actual rank must have been unknown to him.  

 

Rûsa looked honestly confused, looking over at Maedhros as if trying to figure out the difference between her and others. Then he seemed to think of the female slaves in Angband, how little the difference in how they were treated no matter if they was breeding slaves or slave healers.  

 

Even if he did not say anything, Taurion understood. Valinor was still a foreign place in so many ways, it would not be strange if their reborn son felt lost after spending his whole first life as a slave without even knowing that his mother was still alive.   

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

Over the coming years, Rûsa kept growing. With proper food, as much sleep as he wanted and not having to spend his days working to the point of fatigue, seemed to do wonders for a soul that never had gotten real taste of freedom before. 

 

Even if they do not see each other that often, because the Wood clan is nomadic and moves whatever their animals have eaten all the grass in one area, Taurion made sure to visit whatever he could. Unsurprisingly, father and son bonds though a skill they both know; the art of being a warrior. 

 

“I do not mind being, it is just so...difficult to do things right! Like trying anything in how I once managed to use my weapons!” Rûsa complained after falling forwards on the ground from trying out one of the throwing axes Taurion have as his main weapon and losing his balance from the weight.

 

“I agree on that. I felt weak as a kitten the first years after my rebirth, because it felt like I had no strength outside doing very simple everyday things. Your two oldest sisters and Atara had the blessing of being killed than taken to Angband,” Taurion said while picking up the axe with ease. 

 

Not the most gentle thing to say, but Taurion still views it as a honest blessing that they were killed, despite the horrible manner it had happened as he had been captured, dragged away to a horrible life he never want to have again. And Atara is like a blessing from the Valar themselves, never blaming him for all her extra children but rather Morgoth and Sauron for it.  

 

“Besides, I think it was for the best that I was the one to become your sire, for the other breeding males would not...have been gentle with your mother since many of them had almost become more animals than Elves at that point. Those concoction to fertility drugs to ensure conception messed up with the minds of those who was force fed it too often between each time they were set up for that task.”

 

Rûsa shuddered, indirectly revealing that he was not unfamiliar with that. Well, given that he had been nearly six hundred years old at his first death, it would be pretty strange if he had been sheltered from such things.

 

“If there is anything you do not feel comfortable to tell your mother or her family, you only need to look for me if I am nearby for a small talk.”

 

That is the least thing he can do, for officially Maedhros keeps silent about the identity of the father to her son. The relationships between the Elves who never have left Valinor and those who had lived their first life in Middle-Earth, was tensive in so many ways. Maedhros, who was not remembered in the the best manner because of the Oath of her father and the Kinslayings, had every reason to be careful. And Taurion held no desire to become part of the political games of the royal court of Tirion, simply because he was the father of her oldest son and currently only heir.

 

“Would you be fine with your mother marrying another Elf to become your stepfather? It is not like that I can offer her a good social position as a second wife.”

 

Father and son looked each other in the eye.

 

“I would like to see anyone who dare to think that Ammë have become submissive after her rebirth, that her bravery in battles is excessive boasting because they just can not imagine a female commander.”

 

Taurion facepalmed in disbelief. 

 

“She and your oldest uncle was the two siblings to survive until the end of the War of Wrath, and not just because of pure luck every time…” 

 

And the city people in Tirion wondered why the Avari clans had bigger respect for the House of Fëanor? The Houses of Fingolfin and Finarfin was also respected because of their deeds, yes, but the daughter of Fëanor and her six younger brothers had been the most active members of the Noldorin royals because of where they had placed their regions in Beleriand to fight against Morgoth. 

 

“Ada! There is a rabbit for dinner just over there!” 

 

With a smile, Taurion allowed Rûsa to run ahead, chasing the rabbit which they planned to bring back home to the family hut as as part of the dinner strew. 

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

Even when entering his twenties and was old enough to stay in the Wood clan by himself a few days when they visited Formenos, Taurion made sure that Rûsa could do something useful. Like today, when they was sewing with some of Taurion's younger grandchildren from his older sons and daughters. 

 

“Sewing is a survival skill, not only for high-born ladies to make embroidery from. We would still be dressed in animal furs tied together with leather strings if that had not been. Look at your uncle, are he not fine with his work?” 

 

To his credit, Rûsa had actually made two images with the treads given to him earlier, one of a blue bird which was safe for showing the children, while the other was a very well hidden image of Sauron drowning in the Downfall of Númenor. 

 

“I like sewing. It requests concentration and a careful hand. If anything, it is fun to create images with thread even if it takes some time for it to be finished.”

 

Taurion nodded in agreement. He had sewn many clothes and other pieces of fabric for his growing family over the centuries, and while not all of them had been a success for all the time and work laid down on the clothing, everyone had known better than refusing the gift once done. Rûsa, who remembered how it to be dressed in threadbare rags unless he managed to steal something better, listened as his father kept explaining various means of survival skills and how foolish it was to take a good life for granted. 

 

“Sometimes it only needs something tiny to become a life-changing event, and there is no return to how life was before that event, because people changes over time.” 

 

A lesson everyone had to learn eventually. Even those to tried to resist with all their might. 

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

Later that evening, Taurion found his youngest son sitting outside the hut, looking up at the full moon. 

 

“Want some drink?”

 

Plain apple juice from a clay jar, since wine was only allowed during celebrations and parties, and for that Rûsa was way too young for tasting any alcohol yet. 

 

“I may not love your mother in a romantic way, but I respect her as a leader and warrior. We are both satisfied with just being friends, and I doubt that a marriage between us would have worked in the long run. Not just because of personalities, but because of our lifestyles.” 

 

“Do you...ever regret that I and my siblings was reborn, or even begotten in the first place?” Rûsa asked in a quiet voice. 

 

“ _ The manner in how you all was begotten, not for being the forced result of it. _ No, what I regret is how only Maedhros, and she alone, was brave enough to accept you despite how it all started. Atara already had our two daughters. It is the mothers of the other fourteen who have no idea what they have missed. Yet I know that basically all of them pleaded to have their memories of Angband erased; some of them were maidens like your mother and the forced coupling with me alongside the pains of childbirth was too traumatic, others was either betrothed, or shunned by the emotional shock of losing a husband. And not all spouses are willing to accept a unrelated child in the family, when it is not theirs by blood.”   

 

Rûsa thought of his paternal half-siblings while Taurion emptied the last drops from the jar. Out of them, he was the only one with a mother from the Noldor because he had been born after that the Noldor under his grandfather had entered Middle-Earth in their Exile, the rest was either Sindar, Nandor or Teleri on the maternal side unless one counted along his two eldest half-sisters, who was pure Avari thanks to Atara, the legal wife of Taurion all this time. 

 

“Being a father means a lot of responsibility that you can not escape. You hold that not only against a wife, but against any child born in a marriage. Those who refuse to admit mistakes and dealing with that kind of responsibility, like begetting a child on a female they are not married to, are cowards who fails to see how their irresponsibility can ruin the lives of innocents in the long run.”

 

Rûsa understood. Taurion was indirectly warning him for doing such foolish things once he would come of age, simply because he would be viewed as a adult then. The meaning of fatherhood was not to act like you were entitled to do things as you wished, it was whatever you could stand the responsibility of being a father.  

 

“One of the slaves who was taken from Beleriand, a little girl roughly my age when I first was around the age this new body is currently, kept crying and demanding for her parents. She even called me stupid for not knowing what she meant.

 

Taurion frowned a little bit. 

 

“She was the foolish one in a such situation. Taking your parents for granted is not a luxury everyone can do. We Elves may be immortal, but we have proven ourselves able of being killed despite that.”  

 

“Ammë says that if one ignores the horror of Angband, I am her greatest treasure that she will never regret.” 

 

That made Taurion smile, if only because it was something more pleasant to talk about. 

 

“Do not take her love for granted, kid. There is still some hope of her marrying and giving you half-sibling on that side of the family. She said something about a secret suitor, right?” 

 

From the way Rûsa blushed almost hard enough to match his dark red hair, it was enough telling.

 

“ **_Ada!_ ** ” he protested under the amused laugher of his father, who already had known about it from Maedhros herself earlier that week when she had left off Rûsa so he could spend some time with his paternal family.       


End file.
